Is Sashimi Yakatori the mysterious and elusive inventor of Bitcoin?
(Not Satoshi Nakamoto)
Sashimi was a man, just a man, like any other man. He grew up and had exactly two things in all the world that he loved beyond measure — they were; cooking and Sushi, the most beautiful girl in his village.
In order to win the affections of the beautiful Sushi, Sashimi ventured out into the world to seek his fortune. He did not rest until he had discovered all the secrets of delicious food. One day, on his quest to discover the perfect ponzu, he stumbled across a mysterious black box, discarded in the alley behind the restaurant where he worked. The box fell open and revealed within it a mysterious scroll upon which was a seemingly endless stream of code. Emblazoned across the top of the scroll were the words, “The Most Perfect Encapsulation Of All Delicious Flavors.” Sashimi could hardly believe his eyes. He was so excited that he grabbed the box and ran all the way across the village to his room where he spent the rest of the night trying to understand this strange coded language that called itself BLOCKCHAIN.
The next morning he emerged, watery bloodshot eyes, hair in disarray, his heart bursting into flames of victory. He thrust his arm in the air and ran through his village, proudly screaming with all of his might and waving the scroll victoriously above his head. “I HAVE THE CODE!!” He screamed it again and again and again and again until Nori, the bad tempered old man on the west end of town stuck his head out and yelled back, “Shut up you fool, nobody cares.”
But Sashimi’s enthusiasm would not be dimmed. He knew he had found it. The one true answer to forever protect and preserve the safety of all deliciousness everywhere. The thought suddenly struck him across the face like a fillet of Toro in the hands of an impatient Sushi Chef: How was he going to protect his secret?
Dumbfounded, he stopped short, gasping for breath. He looked around him frantically but all he saw were bins of rice, a wheelbarrow, paving stones. And then his eyes fell upon a strange sign above a strange new shop in his village. The sign read: MICROSOFT. He stumbled in, still sucking wind, and staggered to the strange glowing screens in front of him. The Clerk congratulated him by saying, “That’s the newest PC, it comes pre-loaded with Windows Vista.” Sashimi barely managed to croak out the words from his parched tongue, “What does that mean?” “Oh, they’ve fixed all the security bugs that came with Windows ME.”
Later that night Sashimi was heard throughout the land cursing at his OS while he coded because it kept making him give permission before and after every line of code. That was when the realization struck him like a 2,0000 Gigawatt bolt of electricity; what he really needed was a 12 word SEED PHRASE. He quickly reprogrammed the computer, turned it into a space age digital work station, complete with anti gravity hovering technology, a wet bar and an endless supply of hand sanitizer.
Finally, he quickly scrawled his SEED PHRASE on a spare piece of papyrus he had lying around and shoved it in his pocket. He ran down the local Starbucks to get some coffee, as he was leaving the two village idiots grabbed him, picking this exact moment to play a game of ‘Chicken in the middle – and he was the chicken.” After beating him up and taking all of his money, Sashimi was bruised and sore, his pride wounded and his eye blacked. As he made his way back to his home he vowed to himself “Never gain will I allow this.” silently he hissed this curse into the darkness.
Once back at his computer he pounded out the manifesto that would change all of financial History; THE BITCOIN WHITE PAPER. The instant it was finished he logged into REDDIT and dropped those truth bombs on the illiterati who frequented that bad neighborhood.
Then he sat back, put his feet up, lit a big Cuban Cigar and poured himself a tumbler of 200 year old Scotch, And he waited for the inevitable, Bitcoin to be Born.
The rest, as they say, is History.